Scan for a MAN

We could feel your prayers and your loving thoughts even as we got up this morning to keep our CT Scan appointment at Coliseum Northside Hospital. We again felt that sense of Peace that comes knowing you are there. Upon arrival at the hospital there was no one in the waiting room, another plus since we are ever mindful of the low WBC at this time lowering resistance to "bugs." An even nicer than normal radiology technician took charge of the Knight in a very caring manner and made him as comfortable as possible throughout the procedure. By nine o'clock Paul had us home again in the comfort of Howard's favorite chair. Howard commented that "the anticipation of this test was nothing compared to trying to drink THAT CONCOCTION before going in for it!" The sense of relief that comes after a dreaded procedure is ever sweet. As we write this update, Howard's skin tone and his overall condition seem much improved. Upon speaking with a nurse at the Center we learned that the WBC should already be increasing, (knowledge little realized by us that we are truly happy to have now learned.) We look forward to positive results from the scan when we meet with our oncologist on this Wednesday.

On the ride home we were aware of the cherry trees, the azaleas and dogwood trees all breaking into bloom....the promise of spring, Mother Nature's time of renewal. As we all move forward in our journeys we once again wish you all Peace and Love.

The Poetic Architect

Through those blue, blue eyes of Tinsley’s he saw life and people in his own unique way. Although he was an architect by profession Howard and I remember him also as a talented poet expressing his feelings more than once in this particular way. On Howard’s seventieth birthday during a celebration in our garden with friends, he made a toast to Howard….a poem which he had written especially for his older friend. The poem, which is attached here, became one of our favorite remembrances and now hangs framed on our wall here on Overlook so that we can read it every day…and now more than ever Howard feels so honored by his words.

For the past two decades Howard and I have felt extraordinarily blessed to have found ourselves in the midst of the most wonderful community of people on the planet here on Overlook Avenue. We have been a close-knit group, not only as neighbors but as true friends. Here we’ve been two doors away from Kate and Tinsley Matthews our beloved, irreplaceable friends. Their beautiful children, Kathleen and Thomas, have been true gifts to us and our family. They sparkle, lighting our garden and playhouse with their magic and laughter,…befriending us and our own grandchildren, Austin and Katie. And now we are watching as they mature, following the examples set by their Dad and Mom….following their Life Design. Tinsley was…and we feel is still….so proud of his family.

Over the years, through many good times and some sad times as happens with life, Kate and Tinsley were always here for us….as they have been for so many others. They laughed with us and cried with us and two months ago when Howard was diagnosed with lung cancer the two of them had come to us, their words resounding in our ears today: “Howard and Paula, we are going to help you through this process.” As so many embrace Kate, Kathleen and Thomas, we hope in some way to be there also for them through this time. It will be our honor and our privilege. We hope this too would be a part of Tinsley’s carefully drawn plan.

Alert for Circle of Love

Tomorrow morning we are scheduled for the follow-up CT scan to determine Howard's progress thus far. We pray continually for positive results from this test as will be a very vitally important factor in the procedures to be performed during the following days. We are scheduled for another chemo treatment this Wednesday. The past week, following the fourth chemotherapy treatment, has been a far tougher recovery than with previous treatments. And during the end of the week tests showed that Howard's WBC had dropped drastically from the previous check. (This happens, they say, often after several treatments have been administered.) He developed a fever which has lasted for about three days now, causing more weakness and fatigue, but we are grateful that he continues to nourish with as much food and liquid as possible during each day and night.
If you are following our journey tonight please continue to pray as Howard moves forward in his quest for healing. We continually thank you for your beautiful cards, calls, and most of all your constant prayers for healing. Your Circle of Love surrounds us still and lifts us every day of our lives.

Don't Let the Sun Go Down

Howard had patted his tummy about a week ago and remarked: "It's all going right here," referring to some newly acquired weight. "That's NOT where I wanted it!" Paula told him she thought it was actually quite beautiful, our children applauded and added that we'd take it anywhere we could get it, pointing out the newly forming but definite small "love handles." When we arrived at the Center for the fourth chemotherapy session he couldn't wait to get to the scales., He'd worn the same amount of clothes and shoes as to the last visit, just to be sure the weight gain would be accurate.

When he stepped on the digital scale, hoping for at least four pounds more, the happy squeals and clapping began. Howard stepped back, took a deep breath, and smiled broadly. Not just the four pounds hoped for, but an additional beautiful new six pounds had been gained. We advised everyone to buy stock in Ensure and Boost which surely had helped in the campaign waged to put on pounds. "Boogity, boogity" as our Cheri can say when the race is on.

From the reading of the scale to the visit with Gretchen (Dr. Hendrick's Assistant) to the results of the blood tests, including white blood count, kidney function, etc. things went the smoothest to date. Another THANK YOU GOD moment. We needed the positive results of this visit more than ever....earlier in the week we had received some of the saddest news we felt we could endure....a valued friend and neighbor had died as the result of a tragic automobile accident.

We realized again in yet another brand new way our vulnerability as human beings to the fragility of life here on Planet Earth. That we must never let the sun go down without expressing our LOVE and APPRECIATION of the irreplaceable people in our lives. And that being 5l years of age as was our friend, is no guarantee that when we leave home in the morning we will be home for dinner. Nor that being 76 and receiving state of the art chemotherapy treatments for lung cancer will bring us extended years. It is the chance we take....a part of the human condition....lessons in learning to LIVE AND LOVE in the moment.

Peace and Love to All

Before our next visit in the next two weeks with Dr. Hendricks herself an additional CT Scan will possibly be scheduled for determining Howard's progress to date.Please, continue, Dear Friends to hold us close in thought and prayer....as do we you. And as the song reminds us, you have truly been "the wind beneath our wings."

Recipes for a Good Knight

Howard continues to improve a bit each day and his appetite, though not quite what we would like it to be, is better some days than others.  Still he tries really hard to eat the necessary foods to "fatten himself up a bit," he says, though one of his major concerns throughout this experience has been the loss of his muscle tone (something he had worked very hard for throughout the years. The amazing feats he has performed are testament to his strength.) His urgency to heal and regain strength keeps all of us around him continually trying to be creative in providing the highest calorie, best food content items possible for his nourishment. (Hey ,All of you creative friends out there should feel free to send us your ideas for putting on weight.. recipes so welcomed. Conner, you could even ask your friend, Paula Dean and boys  for ideas!!!!!!)) This is, admittedly,quite a new challenge these days when most everyone is so weight conscious...in the opposite direction.  We had a little celebration after our last visit to Dr. Hendrick's office upon seeing the scale up 2lbs.2oz. We hope this will have doubled by the time we visit there again. This seems slowly happening in view of a thirty five pound loss for the Knight who never had a weight problem to consider. 
 
Here's to sweet dreams and sleep filled nights for our Knight....and all you dear ones out there..
We are working now on a new story, from an earlier time, in relation to appetite and food...and sources.  Coming soon to a computer near you, Loved and Loving Ones. Steady in the Boat!!!!!!!!!

The Day the Snow Found Howard

For a while he watched the snowfall from his bed upstairs where he had gone to nap after lunch . Dismissed earlier was the hope that the snow would actually be coming to Overlook though it had been predicted and indeed it had come to areas south and west of Macon...but at the highest point in Macon...there had been no precipitation other than light rain. Howard had remarked that snow falling at our house might just be "too exciting" at this point. We prayed the snow would go to Hartwell, for Cheri, Jeffie, Austin and Katie...we could almost see them .... making their wonderful snow angels. We hoped Katie would wear her galoshes, and Austin would have on his warmest jacket and cap. Maybe Baby Ella would even catch a snowflake in her new little hand too. But Howard's heart reminded him that he so needed the sight of it too. Overlook Ave. had, after all, been the point he and Paula would drive to when their own Paul, Candi and Cheri were small so that they could see the snow, the elevation being perfect for the most accumulation in their area. And Howard the Knight, even in those years, was always determined to seek out the snow, for he loved it he thought, perhaps as much as any other soul in this world.

During Sunday afternoon, as if Mother Nature had prepared the surprise just for him, huge snowflakes began to fall....some as large as half dollars. Howard must see it happen. Normally never waking him from his nap time, we now hurried to open the drapes in the bedroom, lest he miss the sight of it. For a while, still feeling as if in a dream state, Howard watched huge flakes fall through the tall trees outside his window onto the big window sill. He must, he said, get dressed and see the back garden. The ground, the rooftops quickly becoming covered with the magical white blanket that would continue to thicken during Sunday afternoon. The boxwoods scattered throughout the yard, the junipers, the snapdragons and pansies began to give to the weight of the new fallen snow. Mother Nature had once more performed a miracle......just in time. Howard's new eyes seemed to absorb the scene in disbelief .....a new kind of special blessing especially for this southern gentleman.... the sight of snow, as with many other things, looks truly different to a man experiencing chemotherapy. He fully realized the true Miracle of Mother Nature's winter spectacle. While he savored the memories of making "the chase", today was somehow sweeter, more incredible. What would best have described his passion for the sight of it, perhaps the purity...certainly the sheer magnificence of it...........now, today...simply experiencing it once more as a man changed by the recent alteration of his own life experience. And now he realized...what he was seeing through his new eyes was the NOW NESS of life itself...snowflakes, magical suspended crystallized forms, each one uniquely shaped...as with us all....each one holding the secret of the present moment...present moments creating the essence of life itself....all things coming perfectly together to create the whole.

Not only had Howard the Knight found snow...in his own warm house, on his own little mountain, perhaps he had also discovered new reasons for his love of the sight of it....this time the snow had come to him....perfectly timed...perfectly placed. The coming together of all necessary conditions for the formation of snowflakes reminds Howard the Chemist how in the future all things necessary will come together for the cures of human disease. In the meantime, while the seasons come and go, the chase for the cures will continue. We pray that in some special way, our process will help pave the way to those solutions.

And perhaps next winter, God willing, Howard and Paula will chase the snow again. Until then we savor the memories....and embrace the present moments.....and give thanks for each other and you... even more unique in our world than a snowflake.
Peace, Joy, Love

Journeys of the Snowchaser

Howard couldn't remember how many times we'd "chased the snow." It was always a special kind of gift.... to make these treks. He'd seemed driven to search it out wherever that might take them. Seldom did we leave home without eventually seeing snow fall somewhere.... watching the weather channel was something habitually done in winter months.... as routinely as eating meals, and sometimes even ending meals with a plan..... especially if the forecast projected snow in the North Georgia Mountains. "Hey Baby, pack our toothbrushes and let's go north. Snow is coming...gotta hurry."

Most of the time the destination was ultimately the mountains of North Carolina....but once Howard began driving he would simply go with the projected path of the anticipated snowfall.... and often just following his "gut instinct." At least once, admittedly, our "gut instinct" , (even with careful radio monitoring around the oncoming snowstorm...we had driven right into one of the largest traffic jams in our own history.....causing regrettably much worry for our eldest child, Paul and wife Delise.... and in trying to get help by phone from the proper officials, Paul made his first references to us as "his elderly parents" being stranded somewhere in a snowstorm.) We were indeed stranded for many, many hours....but not deterred eventually from going forward. Happy Howard on the road again. Watch out, world! His capacity for fun, his love of life always obvious every day...in every way.....especially in his chasing of the snow.

Once too, in earlier years the two had realized all too late they'd gotten in "over our heads" in a snowfall in Highlands, N. C. A bit over the top even for the most avid snow chasers.This snowstorm left us and many others unable to travel except by foot near our motel, without heat, without food for three days. Then at the mercy of kind restaurant owners across the street we were brought warm food throughout the days. Not even this experience permanently dampened the Knight's enthusiasm for very long. Still the adventurer, the happy trouper.

Sometimes... with what seemed just sheer luck....snows would unexpectedly come to an area when they happened to be in Asheville, or Blowing Rock, N. C....several times on beautiful Mt. Pisgah where there is an Inn at the peak of the Blue Ridge Parkway. The mountain seemed to create its' own storm sometimes, much to the pleasure of snow loving Howard, and we would feel especially blessed finding safe haven at the top of the mountain, relishing the warmth and comfort of our little room, loving the sound of the whistling winds outside our window. "Hey, Baby" Sweet Howard would say," we made it to the top one more time...ain't it great?" Mission accomplished....for now. (The adjoining restaurant which sits atop the very peak of this Mt. Pisgah provides a beautiful view of the mountain range and offers candlelit tables covered with white linens....and our favorite food while in those hills... mountain trout. Usually, Howard the Knight through his renowned form of gallantry could arrange seating by the huge glassed windows. Paula always felt that kissing the Blarney Stone in Ireland had only added a bit of spark to his charming manner.)

Once, without a prior plan as was often the case with us, we began our journey and found ourselves driving further and further north.... at least once ending up on Lake Michigan where we drove around the frozen lake watching ice fisherman sit patiently awaiting their catch... ultimately venturing on to see the frozen Niagara Falls, an unbelievable,massive ice sculpture in the midst of winter. Some of our friends questioned our sanity during our escapades and it became a common theme among many to remark that they knew we were headed north if they saw a snow forecast any place in the eastern United States. Still, it seemed, others did sometimes appreciate our sense of adventure.

Having seen the Alps in Switzerland, memories of Grindelwald bold and strong, last Sunday's snow in Macon, GA. was even more welcomed. Life,.... BEING,.... seeing another snowfall....how magnificent the pleasure, a sight never more beautiful than that beheld by Howard's "new eyes" last Sunday outside our bedroom window.

To Be Continued...